Do You Believe in Me
 (Lou & Peter Berryman, ©1996)
 

Do you think Santa Claus on a long November night
When Rudolph cracks a hoof and the elves are breaking down 
With a bottle of bourbon open on the toy line
Do you think he calls me up?  
Not when the chance is slim that I believe in him
No, he'll call Christmas nuts with ten-foot plastic trees
And one big statuette floodlit and turning slowly
Shimmering like a red potato pancake
Of Santa Claus himself, that's who he'll ask with glee
"Do you believe in me?"
 
And that poor tooth fairy, when she's all out of dimes
And her truck's full of teeth and she hears nine more children
Wiggling on their molars in the suburbs
Do you think she picks that time 
To ask why I prefer to not believe in her?
No, she'll call five-year-olds who hoard their baby teeth
Like little traveler's checks, that they hide underneath their
Pillow and then they whisper with a new lisp
"Tooth fairy pleathe come thoon"
That's who she'll ask you see
"Do you believe in me?"
 
So when your boss is mean and your begonia dies
And your best friend buys guns and your new couch falls off
And litters about a mile of the freeway
You should not pick this time
To have your Mom appraise the way you live these days
No, you should march right in and call yours truly up
Who hangs on every word and will go
"Unh-unh, uh-huh, unh-unh, certainly and of course not"
Enthusiastically
So soon as this line is free, go make a call to me